Beginnings

Swam one mile in one hour!  Three weeks ago, I was whipping out 1.5 miles in 45 minutes.  Still, I’m happy to finally be able to push through the rib and back pain one lap at a time.  (Absolutely cannot flip turn!) I felt gradually better as I clicked the laps off ever so slowly — until, at the very end, ready to get out, a drop of moisture caught in my throat.  One small delicate cough practically brought up a goddam rib.

Feeling proud.  Who knows?  Maybe, one lap at a time, I will get back to the 2-mile Swim Across America open swim this year.  Or next.  You don’t need to flip turn in open water.

Tried out that cello!  Played for 14 years and then didn’t play for 20 years so Suzuki Book 1 seems appropriate.  Fingers ache.  Chest twinges.  Bow thumb has developed a painful hang nail.  But it feels good.  Who knows?  Maybe, 1/2 hour after 1/2 hour and day after day, I might work my way back up to playing in the community orchestra!?

Talked to Seattle Cancer Care Alliance.  They asked me if I had had any reaction to the treatment.  Feels so nice to be asked!  We are working out a transition plan so I can move from Issaquah over to their group without interrupting my treatment plan.   Seems like the right next steps.   Cancer is the same old cancer, which is good.

Treatment for stage IV is about walking the path.  There are no big goals.  There are no clear maps of the distant geography.   Or, rather, if there are, it’s not good news.  Not knowing means options are open.  But it’s definitely a path I will be happy to walk surrounded by really good programs, professionals and caretakers. I hope we can hope we can walk the simple path of hormones for a long time.

All of my identities are rebeginning.  mother, daughter, sister, friend, spouse, colleague, chair, teacher.

Paul wants cuddles again.
I managed to not nag Delphine so much when the heat and my back pain annoyed me.
I made plans to play music with my sister via Facetime.

Now I need to renew my commitment to my very best friends and my spouse – renew my gratitude and devotion to my cousin.  We are all hurting, learning and growing in different ways.  I need you to need me to be there for you as much as you need me to need you to be there.

I will begin practicing listening and hearing.

Love you all.  Loved the bike ride to the Redhook Brewery.  Loved the World Cup party at our house.  Loved the family outing to swim at Samena.  Love the plan to see old friends from high school tomorrow.  Love the plan to hang at Green Lake with family on Wednesday.

Love the passion and effectiveness of the Faculty Commons staff.  Love the patience and loving support from A&H.

Love new beginnings.  I always have.

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