It started, probably, about the time we got the news that the cancer was acting like a cancer that had seen years and years of hormone treatment. It was too intelligent. Paul wanted me to cuddle with him every night while he fell asleep.
Now, while this feels a bit weird (He IS, after all, 5 foot 3 inches tall, I think!) I loved it. He is my baby and I do not have much time to cuddle him. He gets every cuddle he asks for.
But it gets tiring.
Now, Paul is sleeping downstairs on a hide-a-bed, next to our bed.
Francois thinks this is fine. I also welcome our Petit Paul…But I wonder if this is covering something deeper that might need addressing.
And when he sleeps in our room — It causes him to go to sleep later — to get up earlier — to lose some of the physical balance he will need to deal with this.
We have stuff to share with the therapist.
But Delphine! She is flowering! She seems to be coming out. She wears shorts and t-shirts at times — even on cooler days. She is signing up for clubs. She is asking for appointments with experts who can help her with her goals. She is doing wonderfully.
Thank you NEWPORT HIGH SCHOOL! Turns out, the cheerleaders are not the top of the pecking order here.
So I feel so conflicted — dragging her to therapy. “I’m FINE!” she says. And she worries how she’ll get her homework done, attend play practice, go to therapy and then make the evening robotics club session.
I think I will make a deal with her. She gets to skip this– if she sees the therapist on her own another time. That might work.
We are all going to need all the support we can get. I am most aware of this. I understand what my oncologist is saying to me. Francois is somewhat aware of this. Delphine is suppressing everything. Paul is having nightmares (but doesn’t know why). So they all don’t know what is coming. I know, but I don’t *realize* what is coming.
It’s time to dig in and slow down a bit.