I’ve have come to realize that my last posts have led many people to believe I am living day by day and moment by moment crippled with pain or the fear of pain.
More evidence that I am *not* writing well on this blog!
I am almost 100% certain that I am in less pain than probably 99% of other 47-ish adults on this campus. That is what is so COOL about my treatment team!
I’ve dipped into some pain, at very specific moments and in very worldview-shifting ways but for very limit time periods. But now, because of effective treatments, I have a tiny burning skin sensation on my lower back (radiation) and a slightly heavy pressure in my pelvis that reminds me of being pregnant (a good memory for me). I take no pain killers at all.
But I will TALK about pain here a LOT. Because it’s now such an important mechanism for knowing.
We of the older-than-45 set have learned that age and aches and pains are all just par for the course. It’s been a few years since I’ve been able to sleep in a tent on the ground without taking some ibuprofen beforehand.
But I am 47-years old and I have times (still now, with this nasty diagnosis) where I am completely pain free. My body feels well-oiled, balanced, tuned and centered.
When I peek inside of this body with all of these scans, I see healthy bones and joints — no deterioration and no arthritis. Based on my scans, if I didn’t have cancer, I would be able to run this beautiful machine for decades without any need for major tune ups.
Most of us, in this certain age, cannot say that!
What this creates for me is a fascination with my pain. I struggle not to feel happy or healthy or comfortable. I feel healthy, happy and comfortable. I struggle to understand — and then, when things flare briefly, to navigate the rupture to my psyche and emotions.
So when you meet me on campus — and I look, well, so healthy, happy and comfortable… It’s because I am!
Isn’t that amazing?
I totally think it’s amazing.