If we were still watching tumor markers, the cliff hanger would still be ongoing. But the PET scan shows clear progression in all areas of my cancer, liver, lungs and bones.
So we change course. We stopping Taxol and moving to Navelbrine. It’s not unexpected. But it’s sobering. It’s sad. It makes me grateful for all of the work I have done to prepare for this point.
What will work and how long it will work for my cancer is a bit of a crap shoot. Yes. I could die in the next year. And there’s a lot of research to predict that to be so. But my oncologist says that because I’m so healthy, she wouldn’t bet on it.
My scans are GLOWING with metabolic activity, a brilliance of light in my liver, lungs and bones. That’s not a good thing.
But when you look at the size of the tumors under that glow, you’ll see that where I am now is still much much better than where I was a year ago.
I can feel this cancer growing only as shadows. I can feel it when I’m completely still, on the bed, at 4am in the morning, and checking on the echos of warm spots in my body. I can feel it as whispers, a sense of porous bones, a lost solidity, but only when the steriods lift and leave me quiet, reflective.
But there’s no physical pain. And my liver is working great.
After Taxol stops working we have a clear line Or a somewhat clear line. We know how long the first line chemo treated worked. Kinda. And we know that the next lines will not be as effective or work as long.
I started Taxol in mid-February. So did it stop working now? Nine months later? Or did it stop working before I went to France? A six month success story.
The truth is, it doesn’ty matter. Que sera sera. The next treatments might work. They might all fail. But I am so grateful that it looks like I will be able to stay competent and independent right up to the end. And when it’s time, it will be a quick decline.
This is all just so fucking weird.
I think it’s time to get that daily swim in again.
And schedule another trip to Hawaii.
And decorate the house with lights.
And bake cookies.
And cuddle my son,
admire my daughter,
hug my besties,
walk my dog,
and make love to my husband.